When we talk about anxiety, we normally think of panic attacks, a racing heart, sweating, and worst-case scenarios. But for many women, anxiety shows up in a much sneakier way—one that we often can’t quite pinpoint. This can leave us feeling confused, overwhelmed, or even like we’re going crazy. Instead of panic, it often looks like control, competence, and over-functioning in our daily routines. Women who hold respectable jobs, run households, and manage children’s schedules may experience what feels like high-functioning anxiety—the kind of anxiety where you constantly feel “on.” In my experience as a therapist, I’ve witnessed and treated many women who are socially conditioned to feel this way. We are taught to be accommodating, emotionally aware, and responsible. We’re praised for being strong and reliable. Over time, anxiety can become a tool for survival—a way to stay prepared, avoid potential conflict, and maintain control over our surroundings or ourselves. Some may even applaud you for being independent or hyper-independent. The Silent Cost of Anxiety Silent anxiety does come with significant costs, including: Difficulty relaxing or viewing rest as unproductive Persistent self-doubt Guilt when setting boundaries or slowing down to rest Feeling constantly on edge Increased emotional exhaustion A lack of clear direction at times Strain on important relationships or marriage Increased burnout at work Anxiety is a learned survival response, and it is protective. You learned to use it to keep yourself safe in situations that once did not feel safe. And if your anxiety is silent, functional, and mostly invisible, it still deserves to be brought into the light. Kara Tolman, MSW, LCSW O   Kara Tolman, MSW, LCSW , is a therapist in Wilmington, NC, who specializes in supporting people through anxious thoughts, evolving relationships, life transitions, and the intricacies of military life. Kara approaches therapy like a blend of education and artistry. She loves turning insights into metaphors, stories, visuals—even small moments of personal honesty—to help clients make sense of their inner world. Her writing lets you peek behind the curtain of her sessions, giving you a feel for how she thinks, teaches, and supports change. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/kara-tolman-wilmington-nc/846652

As this year comes to a close, I find myself reflecting with deep gratitude—for the clients who trusted me with their stories, the growth of my practice, and the lessons that continue to shape me as both a therapist and a human being. Gratitude is more than a feel-good concept; it’s a grounding practice. Taking time to acknowledge what has gone well—especially in a world that often feels overwhelming—helps us build resilience, perspective, and hope. This year reminded me just how powerful that practice can be. Celebrating Two Years of Making Waves Counseling and Wellness One of the highlights of this year was celebrating Making Waves Counseling and Wellness’ 2nd birthday . What started as a vision rooted in compassion, authenticity, and meaningful change has grown into a space where healing, self-discovery, and growth are truly honored. Every client, collaborator, and supporter has helped shape this practice into what it is today. I’m incredibly thankful for the community that continues to “make waves” by choosing growth, vulnerability, and intentional living. Expanding Access to Care and Support This year also brought meaningful expansion. In an effort to make therapy more accessible, I became paneled with Ambetter , allowing more individuals and families to receive care without added financial stress. Access matters, and I remain committed to meeting people where they are—both emotionally and practically. This year alone, I spent nearly 60,000 minutes in therapy sessions, collaborating with clients on meaningful goals that support long-term emotional well-being and more fulfilling lives. I’m deeply thankful for the clients who chose to work with me and who continued to prioritize their mental health, even when the process felt challenging. In addition to therapy services, I also began working with consulting clients , supporting: Small business owners seeking healthier, more balanced lives Therapists and helpers looking to prevent burnout and reconnect with purpose Professionals who want to live happier, more values-aligned lives Watching clients grow not only personally but professionally has been one of the most rewarding parts of this year. Looking Ahead: My Word for 2026 Is Growth As I look toward 2026, the word that continues to resonate with me is growth . I want to continue to grow as a therapist to help others live a life that feels emotionally rich and grounded. Growth to me means investing time in education to better serve my clients, expanding my reach and narrowing down my niche even further. In that spirit, I’m excited to share that next year, Making Waves Counseling and Wellness will offer Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) . This advanced trauma-informed approach will allow us to support clients in processing distressing experiences in a way that is efficient, empowering, and compassionate. An Invitation to Begin (or Continue) Your Healing Journey If you’ve been considering therapy, consultation, or simply a space to reflect and grow, I want you to know that you’re not alone and you don’t have to have it all figured out to begin. Growth starts with awareness. Healing starts with connection. And sometimes, the bravest step is simply reaching out. As we move into a new year, my hope is that you give yourself permission to grow at your own pace, honor what you’ve survived, and remain open to what’s possible. With gratitude, Making Waves Counseling and Wellness

Why is it so hard to ask for help? What a convoluted question, right? My millennial mind immediately goes to Destiny’s Child’s “Independent Women, Pt. 1” : Try to control me, boy, you get dismissed Pay my own car note and pay my own bills Always fifty-fifty in relationships… If you haven’t heard it, listen to it on their 2001 Survivor  album. And if you haven’t read my other blog, “Are You Sabotaging Your Own Relationships with Hyper independence?” , I recommend starting there. I work with many women who share similar traits: high-achieving, motivated, resilient, outspoken, and capable. And almost all of them have one thing in common: Unhealed, untouched attachment wounds. Beneath the polished independence is a quiet truth most hyper independent women never say out loud: Vulnerability was not safe. Capability was safer. Conditioned for Strength — Not Support From a young age, many high-achieving women were praised for being: Responsible Emotionally low-maintenance Self-sufficient The “easy” or “mature” child For some, this is intertwined with glass child syndrome  — growing up with a sibling whose emotional or behavioral needs demanded more attention. In response, you learned to handle your own emotions, become self-reliant, and perfect the art of over-functioning. Asking for help wasn’t something you were taught  to do. It wasn’t modeled. It wasn’t encouraged. In many cases, it wasn’t even available . The Psychology Behind Hyper independence We’ve all heard of Pavlov’s dogs. If not, here’s the short version: Pavlov, a Russian physiologist, discovered classical conditioning by pairing a neutral stimulus (a bell) with food. Over time, the dogs learned to associate the bell with eating, and eventually salivated at the sound alone. The response became automatic. So how does this relate to hyper independence? Because human beings are also  conditioned by experience. When vulnerability repeatedly leads to: rejection criticism unmet needs emotional neglect disappointment …the brain learns to associate asking for help with danger . Vulnerability becomes paired with pain. Independence becomes paired with safety. Hyper independence doesn’t form from preference — it forms from protection. It becomes a defense mechanism  because your nervous system has been conditioned to view relying on others as unsafe. Hyper independence wasn’t a choice; it was a survival strategy. A Wickedly Helpful Metaphor This reminds me of a quote from Wicked  (mild spoiler ahead):“ Are we born wicked, or is wickedness thrust upon us? ” In the story, Elphaba — the Wicked Witch of the West — isn’t innately wicked. She develops a hardened exterior because of rejection, shame, and misunderstanding. The world labels her “wicked,” so she uses that identity as armor to survive. Hyper independence works the same way: A kind of invisibility cloak that shields your most vulnerable parts. Elphaba, like many hyper independent women, had deeply unmet emotional needs and significant attachment wounds. Her mother died during childbirth, her father rejected her, and throughout the film she resists help — even from Galinda, her closest friend. Hyper independence often looks like strength, but its roots grow from unattended pain. Healing the Part That Learned Help Wasn’t Safe In my work with clients, we often start with mindful self-compassion  and parts work  — gently meeting the wounded part of the self that learned help was unsafe. Together, we explore: identifying that wounded part understanding its unmet needs uncovering where those needs were denied offering compassion, safety, and validation slowly rebuilding trust in vulnerability This process isn’t easy. It asks you to revisit parts of yourself you long ago buried because they didn’t feel safe to access. But when clients can sit with these parts — rather than abandon them — something profound happens: They begin to feel safer asking for help. Even when rejection is possible. Not because they suddenly “become less independent,” but because they learn that independence doesn’t have to mean isolation. Asking for help becomes less of a threat and more of a skill — one that can be relearned, rebuilt, and reclaimed. Kara Tolman, MSW, LCSW Kara Tolman, MSW, LCSW , is a therapist in Wilmington, NC, who specializes in supporting people through anxious thoughts, evolving relationships, life transitions, and the intricacies of military life. Kara approaches therapy like a blend of education and artistry. She loves turning insights into metaphors, stories, visuals—even small moments of personal honesty—to help clients make sense of their inner world. Her writing lets you peek behind the curtain of her sessions, giving you a feel for how she thinks, teaches, and supports change.

Have you ever dreamed of working for yourself, setting your own schedule, and building something that feels meaningful — but felt overwhelmed by where to start? I get it... I started my business on caffeine and dreams. Making Waves Counseling and Wellness turned 2 years old in April 2025. I remember where I was sitting and what I was doing the day I decided to work for myself. I was scared, unsure yet motivated that I could do it in a 30 day time period. Yes, you heard that right.. A 30 day time period. While working as a therapist, I struggled with not having autonomy. I dreamed of a life where the Sunday scaries did not exist and I was able to 'drive the boat'. As a therapist, I have spent a lot of time around individuals who crave the same autonomy but struggle to find balance but I am here to say it is doable. My practices focuses on increasing happiness through intentional and values based living. My consulting services are an extension of that. I love helping people identify what they are passionate about and create thriving businesses around their personal values. The Challenges The most common problems I see with individuals are the following: Wanting more independence but not knowing the steps Feeling like business ownership is too risky Being stuck in jobs that do not align with their lifestyle needs Fear of rocking the boat Let me say this first, valid. Before starting my small business, I was worried about my needs, feeling stuck, failing, not knowing and rocking the boat. I questioned my ability to be able to do it and decided I was not going to let fear decide for me. I went home and sat in front of my computer to create a very informal business plan. If I am honest, I felt like I was tapping into my inner child when creating a business plan because it all felt too good to be true. You mean I can rent a space, I can panel with insurance, I can hire an accountant? The first thing I did was reach into my community of people and seek a resource who would help me build my Rocketship while flying. She consulted with me around taxes, niche, rates, billing, website and so much more. She really was an instrumental part in my business being what it is today. The Solution The solution to these feelings is simple, 1:1 consulting sessions. My consulting approach is similar to how I practice therapy, client centered. You have waited forever to have autonomy and I wont be taking that from you, if anything, I would encourage it. I would help define business ideas, structure, and provide support that encourages practical strategy and emotional wellbeing. My services are tailored to you, not a 1 size fits all approach. If you have been thinking about creating more freedom for yourself, I would love to help explore your business idea. I offer private pay consulting services where we work together to find a path that fits your lifestyle and needs. You do not have to wait until your 110% ready, start taking small steps today towards autonomy. Kara Tolman is a small business owner based in Wilmington, NC, dedicated to helping people create lives filled with purpose and meaning. She is passionate about supporting individuals who are motivated to align their work and personal goals with their core values, empowering them to build businesses — and lives — that truly feel worth living.

Introduction Let’s be honest- feeling stuck in life can leave you drained, discouraged, and even hopeless.  Before long, every day starts to feel like Groundhog Day : same breakfast, same commute, same playlist on repeat. You might catch yourself longing for that spark you once had—like the excitement of your very first day of high school, only to realize life now feels more like you’re just another cog in the machine. Helping clients move through this “stuck” season is actually one of my specialties. I often use Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)  and a values-based living approach  to guide people back toward a sense of freedom, purpose, and aliveness. In this blog, I’ll share practical, therapist-backed strategies  you can start using today to begin reconnecting with what truly matters and to take those first steps toward feeling alive again Understanding the Feeling of Being Stuck Feeling stuck is when life starts to feel like it’s on repeat—same routines, same thoughts, same frustrations and no matter what you do, you can’t seem to move forward. It’s a mix of frustration, indecision, and low motivation that keeps you from feeling fully alive. People often feel stuck for reasons like lack of purpose, fear, self-doubt, stress, past trauma, or limited support and connection . Recognizing that feeling is the first step—waking up to the monotony of “Groundhog Day” is an invitation to pause and reflect. Through introspection and intentional action, we can begin to create meaningful change and live a life that feels purposeful. The challenge of getting unstuck is compounded by a culture that rarely rewards intentional living. We’re praised for making more money, climbing the corporate ladder, working long hours, and pushing ourselves to the brink of burnout. In contrast, slowing down, reflecting, and acting with intention is often labeled as lazy despite the fact that living intentionally is what truly sustains fulfillment and growth. 1. Practice Acceptance Rather Than Avoidance Acceptance in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)  doesn’t mean giving up. It means allowing your thoughts and feelings to exist without letting them run your life . Instead of struggling with fear, sadness, or stress, acceptance teaches you to notice these emotions and keep moving toward what truly matters. It’s about making space for life as it is, so you can act with purpose and live in alignment with your values. With acceptance, means riding your emotions like a wave and understanding that everything is temporary. Embracing your emotions means allowing yourself to fully feel whatever comes up —joy, sadness, anger, or fear—without judgment or suppression. When we acknowledge our emotions instead of pushing them away, we gain insight into our needs, values, and experiences. Accepting emotions as valid signals helps us respond to life with clarity, resilience, and authenticity. 2. Identify Your Core Values One activity I often find joy in guiding others through is identifying their core values . Knowing your values helps clarify what you truly stand for—and what you don’t. They act as a compass, guiding you through both calm and stormy times. In life, we often act in alignment with our values, but trauma or major life stressors  can leave our value system feeling weakened or misaligned. Have you ever faced a critical decision and felt completely lost about which direction to take? Your values can light the way . Reflect on moments that feel like a highlight or peak Notice common themes Think about actions/behaviors you participated in recently and ask what drove them Write down a few values 3. Set Meaningful Goals During my undergraduate, I had the privilege of taking a course on happiness. One of the exercises focused on identifying goals rooted in our personal values. One of my goals became simple yet powerful: to pause and smell the roses during my weekly walk . By dedicating just 15 minutes of an already scheduled activity, I noticed a boost in my mood and a refreshing sense of mental clarity. This experience highlights how small, intentional steps integrated into your existing routine  can support motivation and well-being—no need to reinvent the wheel! 4. Engage in Mindfulness Practices In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), mindfulness is a core practice that helps you stay present with your thoughts, feelings, and sensations without judgment. Rather than trying to control or suppress difficult emotions, mindfulness teaches you to observe them with curiosity and openness. This awareness creates space to choose actions aligned with your values, rather than reacting automatically to discomfort. Practicing mindfulness in daily life can increase emotional resilience, reduce stress, and help you live more intentionally. As I explain to my clients, mindfulness is not an activity but a state of mind. You can be mindful doing any activity, even folding laundry. There are 2 major components of mindfulness- acceptance and awareness. Next time you are walking your neighborhood or local park, check in with yourself and practice those 2 things. 5. Challenge Negative Thoughts Cognitive restructuring is a great way to help fix those negative thoughts that make you feel stuck in a loop. Most of my clients often participate in cognitive distortions which is a fancy way of saying irrational thoughts. Irrational thoughts can feel like glue and often become sticky when we fuse ourselves to them. One of my favorite techniques is teaching cognitive defusion where we put distance between ourselves and our thoughts. Imagine your sitting in a movie theater seat and your thoughts are the credits on the screen. From a distance our problems do not feel as big or as overwhelming. 6. Cultivate Self-Compassion Imagine a world where the way you speak to a stranger on their worst day is the same way you speak to yourself every day. Sounds amazing, right? Mindfulness and self-compassion  are central to our work with clients who feel stuck or uncertain about their next steps in life. Think about it—when a friend says she wants to run a marathon but hasn’t run in years, you don’t laugh or criticize; you offer encouragement and guidance so she can succeed. When a friend is navigating a difficult divorce, you don’t tell her what she could have done differently—you simply sit with her as she processes her emotions. Self-compassion works the same way with yourself.  It’s about recognizing your shared humanity, meeting yourself where you truly are, and offering the same grace you would give someone else. By practicing self-compassion, you reduce harsh self-judgment and open the door to growth, courage, and meaningful action. Example Exercise: With my clients I often tell them to start with their younger self. How can you offer compassion to a part of you that struggled and how can you meet that need? 7. Seek Professional Help if Needed Working with a therapist can be incredibly transformative. With the right guidance, you can break free from unhelpful thinking patterns and start living a life that feels joyful, meaningful, and aligned with your values—almost like stepping into your favorite childhood memory. Everyone deserves a life that feels purposeful, fulfilling, and truly their own. Meet the Writer Kara Tolman, MSW, LCSW, is the owner and lead therapist at Making Waves Counseling and Wellness . She specializes in anxiety management, trauma healing, relationship challenges, and values-driven living . Kara is passionate about helping clients create a life that feels meaningful, joyful, and fully aligned with their values, guiding them toward greater happiness and personal fulfillment.

Finding Your Path in Modern Dating Welcome to the world of dating in 2025. Swiping right has become second nature, video calls often replace in-person meetings, and genuine connections can feel scarce amidst digital distractions. As women, we navigate a social landscape filled with expectations, where every match can trigger excitement or anxiety. In this fast-paced environment, issues like anxiety, pressure, ghosting, and vulnerability are common. These experiences can often shake our confidence and make us doubt our worth. But this guide aims to help you thrive, not just survive, as you embark on your dating journey. Understanding the Impact of Dating on Mental Health Online dating significantly impacts mental health. With endless profiles available, 68% of users report experiencing swipe fatigue , feeling overwhelmed by choices. This constant decision-making can lead to anxiety and stress. Rejection fears are real. Each unreturned message can chip away at your self-esteem. Beyond that, the pressure to maintain a flawless online persona can exhaust even the strongest individuals. The need to perfect your photos and bio can make you question your worth against others. Ghosting and breadcrumbing are common experiences in the dating world. Studies show that 70% of people have encountered ghosting at some point. One moment you’re engaged in lively conversation, and the next, you're met with silence. These experiences can lead to feelings of inadequacy and sadness, highlighting the importance of recognizing how they affect you mentally. Setting Boundaries Without Guilt Your mental health and personal goals should remain a priority in dating. It's essential to understand your intentions—whether you're looking for a serious relationship, casual encounters, or simply exploring your options. Once you know what you seek, communicate your needs confidently. Healthy boundaries might involve discussing how much time you’re willing to invest or how quickly you want to move physically. Consider sitting across from a date while saying, “I’m looking for something meaningful,” or “I’d prefer to take things slow.” Such open and assertive communication helps reduce pressure, paving the way for healthier interactions where you can engage without losing yourself. Recognizing Red Flags Early Awareness is crucial in spotting red flags. Emotional manipulation and love bombing can easily masquerade as genuine affection. For instance, if a partner showers you with overwhelming attention initially but later starts to disregard your feelings, these are clear signs to watch for. Lets be real, love bombing feels wonderful in the beginning, I mean, why wouldn't someone think you are awesome? Here are some common love bombing examples to look out for in early phases of dating... Excessive compliments Rushing Intimacy Constant communication Lavish gifts Sudden intensity Isolation tactics Mood shifts when boundaries are set Trust your instincts. If something feels off—like when someone dismisses your boundaries or belittles your concerns—take a step back to reassess. Protecting your mental health is a significant act of self-love and should be at the forefront of your dating experience. Heres what love bombing typical says about the person doing it... Desire for control Manipulative tendencies Fear of rejection or insecurity Idealization → Devaluation → Discard Unrealistic views of love Prioritizing Self-Care While Dating Self-care is vital when entering the dating scene. One helpful method is emotional regulation. Journaling your thoughts or practicing grounding techniques can offer clarity and help process anxiety. Avoid internalizing rejection; one person’s disinterest doesn't reflect your value. Instead, build a balanced life filled with friendships, hobbies, and personal aspirations. Creating a rich life can not only recharge you but also attract healthier relationships. For example, dedicating time weekly to engage in interests like painting or hiking not only enriches your life but also helps maintain perspective on dating.

Have you ever wondered if humans are just complex plants? Both of us thrive with proper care, nourishment, and a suitable environment. As you seek better mental health, it's vital to remember that underlying medical issues can profoundly impact your emotional state. In this post, we will discuss the importance of addressing these issues before diving into therapy. Plants flourish in nutrient-rich soil, and similarly, your body requires essential vitamins and minerals to operate well. For example, a study showed that more than 40% of adults are vitamin D deficient . Factors such as trauma, anxiety, or low iron levels can be more influential on your mental health than you realize. The Importance of Ruling Out Medical Issues When facing emotional struggles, it's common to think the problem lies only within your mental state. Yet, your physical health plays a crucial role in mental clarity and mood regulation. For instance, research indicates that individuals with low iron levels are 50% more likely to experience feelings of fatigue and depression . This means that when your iron is low, you might feel sluggish, affecting how you engage in therapy. Addressing these physical health aspects can enhance your emotional well-being. While therapy can offer a transformative experience, entering into it without addressing potential medical issues is akin to planting a seed in barren soil. A robust foundation is essential for healthy growth. An assessment from the appropriate provider could uncover potential biological issues affecting your emotional progress, leading to a more effective treatment plan. Ultimately, nurturing yourself is an intertwined process of caring for both your body and mind. By addressing any underlying medical issues, you can maximize the benefits of therapy and grow as a person—just like a well-cared-for, thriving plant. A therapist in the wild who often needs water, sunlight and fresh air in order to thrive. Thoughts From Your Therapist Did that title grab your attention? This is a phrase I often use with my friends when I find myself being trapped inside for too long, especially during the winter months. I try my best to take breaks outside in the sun and I often say, "Ugh, I am just like a complicated plant. I need sun and fresh air to thrive!". When working with clients, I often ask them, "When was your last physical with your doctor & when did you have blood drawn?". I often find in my practice that clients with low levels of iron experience more anxiety or clients with low levels of vitamin d can be experiencing low mood. As a therapist, it helps to rule out any medical conditions to ensure I am able to treat and diagnosis you effectively. Get to know Kara Tolman...... Kara is a licensed mental health therapist located in Wilmington, NC, committed to helping individuals pursue a more authentic lifestyle. She maintains strong ties with the military community. Kara is an alumna of the University of North Carolina Wilmington and Edinboro University. She employs a collaborative approach in her sessions to promote her clients' overall healing. Currently, she owns and operates Making Waves Counseling and Wellness in Wilmington, NC. Outside of her professional commitments, Kara enjoys gardening and spending time with her pets.

In our fast-paced world, independence is often celebrated as a badge of honor. Especially for millennial women, the message is loud and clear: stand on your own two feet, value your freedom, and pursue your dreams relentlessly. However, for some, this ideal of independence can escalate into what's known as hyper independence. This pattern can arise as a reaction to past traumas and create emotional walls that impede your relationships. While you may feel safe behind these walls, have you considered what it costs you in terms of meaningful connections? In this post, we will discuss how hyper independence can hinder your ability to foster emotionally fulfilling relationships. Additionally, we will offer practical tips to help you embrace emotional vulnerability, a crucial component in building lasting and meaningful connections with others. Understanding Hyper Independence Hyper independence often emerges from negative experiences where individuals learned that relying on others wasn't safe. These experiences may stem from childhood neglect, betrayal in friendships, or other significant distress. While this mindset may seem like strength, it can backfire when intimacy is needed. For instance, a study found that individuals who strongly identify with hyper independence often report higher levels of loneliness—around 65% indicate feeling isolated. This tendency to manage everything alone creates emotional barriers that can prevent you from forming deep connections with others. The Impact on Relationships Strong relationships are built on trust and vulnerability. If hyper independence clouds your ability to be emotionally available, it can confuse potential partners. They may see you as distant, leaving them uncertain about how to connect. For millennial women navigating the relationship landscape, understanding this dynamic is essential. Emotional unavailability can lead to miscommunication and frustration. For instance, a survey showed that nearly 70% of millennials feel that their partners struggle to understand them, largely due to lack of emotional communication. Making Waves Counseling and Wellness Recognizing Signs of Hyper Independence Identifying the signs of hyper independence can help you address it effectively. Common indicators include: Difficulty Asking for Help : You may hesitate to reach out, even when overwhelmed. Statistics show that 72% of people with hyper independence avoid asking others for help due to fear of burdening them. Avoiding Emotional Conversations : You might shy away from discussing feelings, perceiving such discussions as threats to your independence. You may find yourself avoidant of times when you need to be vulnerable with your partner and self to gain clarity. Prioritizing Work Over Relationships : Dedicating yourself to career goals at the expense of personal connections can leave you feeling unfulfilled. In fact, 59% of working professionals report feeling too busy to foster personal relationships. Tips for Embracing Emotional Vulnerability Recognizing hyper independence is just the beginning; embracing emotional vulnerability is crucial for deeper connections. Here’s how to go about it: 1. Acknowledge Your Feelings Your feelings deserve recognition, and it’s essential to express them. Seek safe environments, such as close friends or journaling, to share your emotional experiences. If you are having trouble acknowledging your feelings, you can start off small with someone close to you or with yourself. Most individuals have a hard time being honest with themselves on how they are truly feeling. You can use an emotions wheel to help you pinpoint more specific emotions other than 'anger, sad, happy'. 2. Practice Asking for Help Start small by requesting assistance with little tasks, whether it's getting help on a project or simply asking a friend to hang out. This strategy builds trust and opens doors to more profound connections. When you allow others to be there for you, even, on smaller levels you are opening up doors that can lead to more emotional connections. 3. Engage in Open Conversations Encourage open dialogue in your relationships. Sharing feelings can lead to mutual understanding and deeper bonds. If you have difficulty with this step, you can ask a trusted friend or therapist to help you role play the moment. I often role play in session with clients to help them gain confidence when it comes to setting boundaries or using effective communication patterns. 4. Seek Therapy or Counseling Accessing professional help can prove invaluable. Therapists can equip you with tools to manage trauma responses and foster emotional resilience. Our therapist, Kara Tolman, can help provide you with tools to manage trauma responses and foster emotional resilience. 5. Take Relationship Risks Be open to expressing your thoughts and emotions to someone you trust. Even sharing simple feelings can be exhilarating. Taking such risks can break down emotional barriers and enhance connection. If you truly think about it, the risk is the same whether you open up or stay closed off. Either way, you are risking not having a deep emotional connection with yourself or your partner. Wrightsville Beach, NC Thoughts From Your Therapist I have spent a significant amount of time helping others navigate the world of dating. Let's be honest, dating in 2024-2025 can be incredibly brutal. We are now finding our matches online through profiles that are perfectly curated to find the "perfect match". We are surrounded by tv series like, 'Love is Blind', 'Love Island', 'Married at First Sight', or 'Perfect Match'. Let us not forget 'The Ultimatum', where couples who do not agree on the idea of marriage date other people in front of their partners while giving them the ultimatum to get married or not. Makes perfect sense for reality tv but not for someone who is looking for a lifelong partner who they feel emotionally connected too. As a millennial therapist, I find myself sitting across from other millennial women who are trying to navigate the, what can be, treacherous waters of dating. Dating can often feel like braving the wilderness and baring all of our dirty secrets on us like a Scarlett letter. The big question is, 'How much do I let a person in, where I still feel protected but also emotionally available and fulfilled?'. The answer you may ask, well, it is emotional vulnerability. When working with clients who take on the official role as "independent", I will dive deeper into what is driving that independence which almost always leads back to some sort of attachment wound. From there, we peel back the attachment wound and see how we can address meeting our own needs. In my practice as a therapist, I noticed that hyper independent women in relationships often attract emotionally unavailable partners. If we think of a healthy partner dynamic, emotional and physical needs being met are a must. This does not always come easily and has to be done through emotional vulnerability. For example, telling our partners when our feelings are hurt by what they have said or done to us or stating exacting what we are needing. Financial freedom, boundaries, seeking out careers and education are all great things I often coach women to strive for (if that is what they are wanting), but if we are always doing it all, how can we allow our partners to help us? I will often times ask my clients in these predicaments what their needs are, and they usually have a hard time identifying them. Understanding yourself, reconnecting with your true self and feeling the courage to stand alone is ideally how to attract the type of partner that you really desire. The fear of being vulnerable often springs from past experiences of rejection or hurt. Yet, it's vital to understand that vulnerability leads to genuine connection. Authentic relationships thrive on sharing both joyful and painful experiences. This is where clients feel they are often airing their dirty laundry or feel unsafe in relationships. Safety is created in relationships by allowing the other person to be there for you, physically and emotionally. This means after you have had a bad day at work, experienced the death of a friend, illness, or even just airing a grievance about how Dunkin Donuts messed up your coffee order again. When you decide to embrace vulnerability, think of it as a step toward redefining your connections. It provides an opportunity for both you and your partner to grow and develop a mutual bond built on trust.

Our therapist loves to read and often loves to recommend books to her clients. These books are ones she has read throughout her career or was recommended to read from other professionals in the community. 1. Trauma Stewardship 2. Untamed 3. The Body Keeps The Score 4. You Are A Badass

Have you ever experienced that moment when you felt like you found your true purpose? That calling that ignites your passion and makes you want to make a difference in the world? Well, that's exactly what happened to me when I decided to take on the role of an LCSWA supervisor and providing consulting services to other therapists. As an LCSWA supervisor, my journey began with a desire to give back to the community. From lack of access to mental health services to the stigma surrounding seeking help, I knew that I wanted to be a part of the solution. Becoming a social worker was the first step I took towards making a difference. I immersed myself in the field, working tirelessly to help those in need and advocating for those whose voices often go unheard. However, I soon realized that I could do more. I could empower and guide others who were just starting their careers in social work, thus paving the way for a new generation of compassionate helpers. Transitioning into the role of an LCSWA supervisor was a natural progression for me. Not only did it allow me to continue directly impacting the lives of individuals in need, but it also provided me with the opportunity to mentor and support aspiring social workers. Being able to share my experiences, knowledge, and passion with others was incredibly fulfilling and rewarding. When I asked my professional mentor to write me a recommendation letter for graduate school, she confidently stated, "I did not get here on my own." This underscores the importance of community in achieving success. - Kara Tolman One of the most rewarding aspects of being an LCSWA supervisor is witnessing the growth and development of those under my guidance. Seeing the transformation in their confidence, skills, and approach to social work is truly inspiring. It's moments like these that reaffirm my decision to pursue this path of giving back to my community. I firmly believe that by nurturing and guiding future social workers, I am contributing to the development of a more compassionate and empathetic society. Each interaction, each session of supervision, is an opportunity to instill values of integrity, advocacy, and social justice in the next generation of change-makers. My journey from a social worker to a supervisor has been one filled with challenges, growth, and ultimately, profound fulfillment. I am grateful for the opportunity to give back to my community in such a meaningful and impactful way. As I continue on this path, I look forward to inspiring and shaping the hearts and minds of those who share my passion for making a difference. Securing an internship, obtaining licensure, studying for the licensure examination, finding adequate jobs, and honing in on your clinical niche are challenges that I am familiar with firsthand. - Kara Tolman In conclusion, becoming an LCSWA supervisor has been a journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and purpose. It is not just a job; it is a calling—a calling to give back to my community, to uplift those in need, and to create a ripple effect of positive change that will resonate for years to come. So, to all the aspiring social workers out there, remember this: your passion, your dedication, and your commitment to making a difference matter. You have the power to shape lives, to inspire change, and to leave a lasting impact on the world around you. Meet Kara Tolman, MSW, LCSW: A Compassionate Expert in Social Work I graduated from the University of North Carolina Wilmington with my Bachelors of Social Work degree in 2017. My internship during undergraduate school was at the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society where I became a Level 2 Caseworker aboard Marine Corps Air Station New River. I also volunteered at the Naval Hospital Emergency Room alongside Naval Corpsman. Upon graduation, I immediately pursued my graduate degree at Edinboro University. I participated in a 1 year advanced standing program that focused on Trauma Informed Care. My internship during graduate school focused on helping children in the foster care system with Lutheran Services Carolinas. At this agency, we assisted children and families through Family Foster Care, Therapeutic Foster Care and Intensive Alternative Family Treatment (IAFT). Upon graduation in 2018, I immediately started working with the Special Operations Community and helped spear head a program for the Camp Lejeune area. After that I transitioned to community based services where I served as a Lead for an Intensive In Home team that provided services to youth at risk of being placed outside of their homes. At Community Based services, I had the privilege of supervising a small team of associate licensed individuals. This is where I discovered my passion for giving back to the community that shaped me into the social worker I am today. After leaving Community Based services, I started my journey in outpatient private practice at different group practices. In April 2023, I opened Making Waves Counseling and Wellness.

Divorce can be an incredibly challenging chapter in one's life - it signifies an end but also paves the way for new beginnings. As we navigate through the emotional upheaval and uncertainties that divorce brings, it becomes crucial to focus on values-driven living, embracing intentionality and nurturing our mental health along the way. Life After Divorce: A Blank Canvas Divorce, though tumultuous, offers a blank canvas to recreate our lives based on our fundamental values. It's an opportunity to reflect on who we are, what we stand for, and where we want to go. Making Waves Counseling and Wellness emphasizes the importance of aligning our actions with our core values to lead fulfilling post-divorce lives. Living With Intention: A Path to Healing Living with intention post-divorce means crafting a life that resonates with our true selves. It involves setting clear intentions, establishing boundaries, and engaging in activities that promote healing and growth. At Making Waves Counseling and Wellness, Kara Tolman guides individuals on the transformative journey of intentional living post-divorce. Divorce can be lonely and often very scary. We do not enter marriage with the intention of divorce but when it happens, we can be left dealing with painful emotions such as shame and loneliness. You deserve to recreate a life with purpose and fulfillment. Did you know.. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), 41% of first marriages will end in divorce in 2024. Prioritizing Mental Health in the Aftermath Divorce often takes a toll on mental health, making it crucial to prioritize self-care and seek professional support when needed. Kara Tolman's holistic approach at Making Waves Counseling and Wellness integrates mental health practices to help individuals navigate the emotional challenges of divorce and emerge stronger on the other side. A Guiding Light: Kara Tolman and Making Waves Kara Tolman, a renowned counselor and wellness advocate, serves as a beacon of hope for those traversing the complex terrain of life after divorce. Through her empathetic guidance and values-driven approach, she empowers individuals to embrace their newfound independence, redefine their purpose, and embark on a journey of self-discovery. Let's embark on this transformative journey together, guided by our values and an unwavering commitment to our well-being! SEO Keywords: mental health, divorce, making waves counseling and wellness, Kara Tolman

Workplace trauma is a pervasive issue that affects countless professionals in today's fast-paced and demanding environments. The repercussions of such trauma can be profound, impacting not only the individual's mental health but also their overall well-being and productivity. Understanding the prevalence of workplace trauma and gaining the necessary skills to navigate it can make a significant difference in creating a supportive work culture. Understanding Workplace Trauma Statistics indicate that workplace trauma is more prevalent than we might realize. According to recent studies, 45% of professionals experience traumatic events at work at some point in their careers. These incidents can range from workplace accidents and harassment to organizational changes and high-pressure environments. It is crucial to recognize the signs of workplace trauma, which can include anxiety, depression, PTSD, and decreased job satisfaction. Seeking Support: The Role of Therapy In times of distress related to workplace trauma, seeking professional help is key. Therapy can provide a safe space for individuals to process their experiences, emotions, and challenges. One expert in this field is Kara Tolman , a renowned therapist specializing in workplace trauma at Making Waves Counseling and Wellness . Kara has been instrumental in assisting professionals in navigating the complexities of workplace trauma, offering insights and strategies to cope effectively. Skills to Navigate Workplace Trauma Maintaining healthy boundaries between work and personal life is essential. Learning to switch off from work-related stressors can help in preserving mental well-being. Open communication with colleagues and superiors can create a more supportive work environment. Expressing concerns and seeking help when needed can alleviate the impact of workplace trauma. Prioritize self-care routines such as exercise, mindfulness, and adequate rest. Taking care of your physical and mental health is vital in coping with the effects of workplace trauma. Don't hesitate to reach out to mental health professionals like Kara Tolman. Therapy can equip you with coping mechanisms and strategies tailored to your specific needs. Final Thoughts Navigating workplace trauma is a challenging yet essential aspect of maintaining mental health in the professional sphere. By recognizing the prevalence of workplace trauma, seeking support through therapy, and developing essential coping skills, professionals can navigate these challenges more effectively. Remember, prioritizing mental health is not a sign of weakness but a step towards resilience and well-being in the workplace. In conclusion, let's strive to create work environments that prioritize mental health and support individuals in overcoming workplace trauma. Together, we can foster a culture of understanding, resilience, and well-being in the professional world. By adopting a professional tone and providing valuable insights on workplace trauma and mental health support, this blog post aims to empower professionals with the knowledge and skills needed to navigate workplace challenges effectively. With the guidance of experts like Kara Tolman and a commitment to self-care and communication, professionals can work towards creating a healthier, more supportive work environment.