In our fast-paced world, independence is often celebrated as a badge of honor. Especially for millennial women, the message is loud and clear: stand on your own two feet, value your freedom, and pursue your dreams relentlessly. However, for some, this ideal of independence can escalate into what's known as hyper independence. This pattern can arise as a reaction to past traumas and create emotional walls that impede your relationships. While you may feel safe behind these walls, have you considered what it costs you in terms of meaningful connections? In this post, we will discuss how hyper independence can hinder your ability to foster emotionally fulfilling relationships. Additionally, we will offer practical tips to help you embrace emotional vulnerability, a crucial component in building lasting and meaningful connections with others. Understanding Hyper Independence Hyper independence often emerges from negative experiences where individuals learned that relying on others wasn't safe. These experiences may stem from childhood neglect, betrayal in friendships, or other significant distress. While this mindset may seem like strength, it can backfire when intimacy is needed. For instance, a study found that individuals who strongly identify with hyper independence often report higher levels of loneliness—around 65% indicate feeling isolated. This tendency to manage everything alone creates emotional barriers that can prevent you from forming deep connections with others. The Impact on Relationships Strong relationships are built on trust and vulnerability. If hyper independence clouds your ability to be emotionally available, it can confuse potential partners. They may see you as distant, leaving them uncertain about how to connect. For millennial women navigating the relationship landscape, understanding this dynamic is essential. Emotional unavailability can lead to miscommunication and frustration. For instance, a survey showed that nearly 70% of millennials feel that their partners struggle to understand them, largely due to lack of emotional communication. Making Waves Counseling and Wellness Recognizing Signs of Hyper Independence Identifying the signs of hyper independence can help you address it effectively. Common indicators include: Difficulty Asking for Help : You may hesitate to reach out, even when overwhelmed. Statistics show that 72% of people with hyper independence avoid asking others for help due to fear of burdening them. Avoiding Emotional Conversations : You might shy away from discussing feelings, perceiving such discussions as threats to your independence. You may find yourself avoidant of times when you need to be vulnerable with your partner and self to gain clarity. Prioritizing Work Over Relationships : Dedicating yourself to career goals at the expense of personal connections can leave you feeling unfulfilled. In fact, 59% of working professionals report feeling too busy to foster personal relationships. Tips for Embracing Emotional Vulnerability Recognizing hyper independence is just the beginning; embracing emotional vulnerability is crucial for deeper connections. Here’s how to go about it: 1. Acknowledge Your Feelings Your feelings deserve recognition, and it’s essential to express them. Seek safe environments, such as close friends or journaling, to share your emotional experiences. If you are having trouble acknowledging your feelings, you can start off small with someone close to you or with yourself. Most individuals have a hard time being honest with themselves on how they are truly feeling. You can use an emotions wheel to help you pinpoint more specific emotions other than 'anger, sad, happy'. 2. Practice Asking for Help Start small by requesting assistance with little tasks, whether it's getting help on a project or simply asking a friend to hang out. This strategy builds trust and opens doors to more profound connections. When you allow others to be there for you, even, on smaller levels you are opening up doors that can lead to more emotional connections. 3. Engage in Open Conversations Encourage open dialogue in your relationships. Sharing feelings can lead to mutual understanding and deeper bonds. If you have difficulty with this step, you can ask a trusted friend or therapist to help you role play the moment. I often role play in session with clients to help them gain confidence when it comes to setting boundaries or using effective communication patterns. 4. Seek Therapy or Counseling Accessing professional help can prove invaluable. Therapists can equip you with tools to manage trauma responses and foster emotional resilience. Our therapist, Kara Tolman, can help provide you with tools to manage trauma responses and foster emotional resilience. 5. Take Relationship Risks Be open to expressing your thoughts and emotions to someone you trust. Even sharing simple feelings can be exhilarating. Taking such risks can break down emotional barriers and enhance connection. If you truly think about it, the risk is the same whether you open up or stay closed off. Either way, you are risking not having a deep emotional connection with yourself or your partner. Wrightsville Beach, NC Thoughts From Your Therapist I have spent a significant amount of time helping others navigate the world of dating. Let's be honest, dating in 2024-2025 can be incredibly brutal. We are now finding our matches online through profiles that are perfectly curated to find the "perfect match". We are surrounded by tv series like, 'Love is Blind', 'Love Island', 'Married at First Sight', or 'Perfect Match'. Let us not forget 'The Ultimatum', where couples who do not agree on the idea of marriage date other people in front of their partners while giving them the ultimatum to get married or not. Makes perfect sense for reality tv but not for someone who is looking for a lifelong partner who they feel emotionally connected too. As a millennial therapist, I find myself sitting across from other millennial women who are trying to navigate the, what can be, treacherous waters of dating. Dating can often feel like braving the wilderness and baring all of our dirty secrets on us like a Scarlett letter. The big question is, 'How much do I let a person in, where I still feel protected but also emotionally available and fulfilled?'. The answer you may ask, well, it is emotional vulnerability. When working with clients who take on the official role as "independent", I will dive deeper into what is driving that independence which almost always leads back to some sort of attachment wound. From there, we peel back the attachment wound and see how we can address meeting our own needs. In my practice as a therapist, I noticed that hyper independent women in relationships often attract emotionally unavailable partners. If we think of a healthy partner dynamic, emotional and physical needs being met are a must. This does not always come easily and has to be done through emotional vulnerability. For example, telling our partners when our feelings are hurt by what they have said or done to us or stating exacting what we are needing. Financial freedom, boundaries, seeking out careers and education are all great things I often coach women to strive for (if that is what they are wanting), but if we are always doing it all, how can we allow our partners to help us? I will often times ask my clients in these predicaments what their needs are, and they usually have a hard time identifying them. Understanding yourself, reconnecting with your true self and feeling the courage to stand alone is ideally how to attract the type of partner that you really desire. The fear of being vulnerable often springs from past experiences of rejection or hurt. Yet, it's vital to understand that vulnerability leads to genuine connection. Authentic relationships thrive on sharing both joyful and painful experiences. This is where clients feel they are often airing their dirty laundry or feel unsafe in relationships. Safety is created in relationships by allowing the other person to be there for you, physically and emotionally. This means after you have had a bad day at work, experienced the death of a friend, illness, or even just airing a grievance about how Dunkin Donuts messed up your coffee order again. When you decide to embrace vulnerability, think of it as a step toward redefining your connections. It provides an opportunity for both you and your partner to grow and develop a mutual bond built on trust.

Our therapist loves to read and often loves to recommend books to her clients. These books are ones she has read throughout her career or was recommended to read from other professionals in the community. 1. Trauma Stewardship 2. Untamed 3. The Body Keeps The Score 4. You Are A Badass

Have you ever experienced that moment when you felt like you found your true purpose? That calling that ignites your passion and makes you want to make a difference in the world? Well, that's exactly what happened to me when I decided to take on the role of an LCSWA supervisor and providing consulting services to other therapists. As an LCSWA supervisor, my journey began with a desire to give back to the community. From lack of access to mental health services to the stigma surrounding seeking help, I knew that I wanted to be a part of the solution. Becoming a social worker was the first step I took towards making a difference. I immersed myself in the field, working tirelessly to help those in need and advocating for those whose voices often go unheard. However, I soon realized that I could do more. I could empower and guide others who were just starting their careers in social work, thus paving the way for a new generation of compassionate helpers. Transitioning into the role of an LCSWA supervisor was a natural progression for me. Not only did it allow me to continue directly impacting the lives of individuals in need, but it also provided me with the opportunity to mentor and support aspiring social workers. Being able to share my experiences, knowledge, and passion with others was incredibly fulfilling and rewarding. When I asked my professional mentor to write me a recommendation letter for graduate school, she confidently stated, "I did not get here on my own." This underscores the importance of community in achieving success. - Kara Tolman One of the most rewarding aspects of being an LCSWA supervisor is witnessing the growth and development of those under my guidance. Seeing the transformation in their confidence, skills, and approach to social work is truly inspiring. It's moments like these that reaffirm my decision to pursue this path of giving back to my community. I firmly believe that by nurturing and guiding future social workers, I am contributing to the development of a more compassionate and empathetic society. Each interaction, each session of supervision, is an opportunity to instill values of integrity, advocacy, and social justice in the next generation of change-makers. My journey from a social worker to a supervisor has been one filled with challenges, growth, and ultimately, profound fulfillment. I am grateful for the opportunity to give back to my community in such a meaningful and impactful way. As I continue on this path, I look forward to inspiring and shaping the hearts and minds of those who share my passion for making a difference. Securing an internship, obtaining licensure, studying for the licensure examination, finding adequate jobs, and honing in on your clinical niche are challenges that I am familiar with firsthand. - Kara Tolman In conclusion, becoming an LCSWA supervisor has been a journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and purpose. It is not just a job; it is a calling—a calling to give back to my community, to uplift those in need, and to create a ripple effect of positive change that will resonate for years to come. So, to all the aspiring social workers out there, remember this: your passion, your dedication, and your commitment to making a difference matter. You have the power to shape lives, to inspire change, and to leave a lasting impact on the world around you. Meet Kara Tolman, MSW, LCSW: A Compassionate Expert in Social Work I graduated from the University of North Carolina Wilmington with my Bachelors of Social Work degree in 2017. My internship during undergraduate school was at the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society where I became a Level 2 Caseworker aboard Marine Corps Air Station New River. I also volunteered at the Naval Hospital Emergency Room alongside Naval Corpsman. Upon graduation, I immediately pursued my graduate degree at Edinboro University. I participated in a 1 year advanced standing program that focused on Trauma Informed Care. My internship during graduate school focused on helping children in the foster care system with Lutheran Services Carolinas. At this agency, we assisted children and families through Family Foster Care, Therapeutic Foster Care and Intensive Alternative Family Treatment (IAFT). Upon graduation in 2018, I immediately started working with the Special Operations Community and helped spear head a program for the Camp Lejeune area. After that I transitioned to community based services where I served as a Lead for an Intensive In Home team that provided services to youth at risk of being placed outside of their homes. At Community Based services, I had the privilege of supervising a small team of associate licensed individuals. This is where I discovered my passion for giving back to the community that shaped me into the social worker I am today. After leaving Community Based services, I started my journey in outpatient private practice at different group practices. In April 2023, I opened Making Waves Counseling and Wellness.

Divorce can be an incredibly challenging chapter in one's life - it signifies an end but also paves the way for new beginnings. As we navigate through the emotional upheaval and uncertainties that divorce brings, it becomes crucial to focus on values-driven living, embracing intentionality and nurturing our mental health along the way. Life After Divorce: A Blank Canvas Divorce, though tumultuous, offers a blank canvas to recreate our lives based on our fundamental values. It's an opportunity to reflect on who we are, what we stand for, and where we want to go. Making Waves Counseling and Wellness emphasizes the importance of aligning our actions with our core values to lead fulfilling post-divorce lives. Living With Intention: A Path to Healing Living with intention post-divorce means crafting a life that resonates with our true selves. It involves setting clear intentions, establishing boundaries, and engaging in activities that promote healing and growth. At Making Waves Counseling and Wellness, Kara Tolman guides individuals on the transformative journey of intentional living post-divorce. Divorce can be lonely and often very scary. We do not enter marriage with the intention of divorce but when it happens, we can be left dealing with painful emotions such as shame and loneliness. You deserve to recreate a life with purpose and fulfillment. Did you know.. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), 41% of first marriages will end in divorce in 2024. Prioritizing Mental Health in the Aftermath Divorce often takes a toll on mental health, making it crucial to prioritize self-care and seek professional support when needed. Kara Tolman's holistic approach at Making Waves Counseling and Wellness integrates mental health practices to help individuals navigate the emotional challenges of divorce and emerge stronger on the other side. A Guiding Light: Kara Tolman and Making Waves Kara Tolman, a renowned counselor and wellness advocate, serves as a beacon of hope for those traversing the complex terrain of life after divorce. Through her empathetic guidance and values-driven approach, she empowers individuals to embrace their newfound independence, redefine their purpose, and embark on a journey of self-discovery. Let's embark on this transformative journey together, guided by our values and an unwavering commitment to our well-being! SEO Keywords: mental health, divorce, making waves counseling and wellness, Kara Tolman

Workplace trauma is a pervasive issue that affects countless professionals in today's fast-paced and demanding environments. The repercussions of such trauma can be profound, impacting not only the individual's mental health but also their overall well-being and productivity. Understanding the prevalence of workplace trauma and gaining the necessary skills to navigate it can make a significant difference in creating a supportive work culture. Understanding Workplace Trauma Statistics indicate that workplace trauma is more prevalent than we might realize. According to recent studies, 45% of professionals experience traumatic events at work at some point in their careers. These incidents can range from workplace accidents and harassment to organizational changes and high-pressure environments. It is crucial to recognize the signs of workplace trauma, which can include anxiety, depression, PTSD, and decreased job satisfaction. Seeking Support: The Role of Therapy In times of distress related to workplace trauma, seeking professional help is key. Therapy can provide a safe space for individuals to process their experiences, emotions, and challenges. One expert in this field is Kara Tolman , a renowned therapist specializing in workplace trauma at Making Waves Counseling and Wellness . Kara has been instrumental in assisting professionals in navigating the complexities of workplace trauma, offering insights and strategies to cope effectively. Skills to Navigate Workplace Trauma Maintaining healthy boundaries between work and personal life is essential. Learning to switch off from work-related stressors can help in preserving mental well-being. Open communication with colleagues and superiors can create a more supportive work environment. Expressing concerns and seeking help when needed can alleviate the impact of workplace trauma. Prioritize self-care routines such as exercise, mindfulness, and adequate rest. Taking care of your physical and mental health is vital in coping with the effects of workplace trauma. Don't hesitate to reach out to mental health professionals like Kara Tolman. Therapy can equip you with coping mechanisms and strategies tailored to your specific needs. Final Thoughts Navigating workplace trauma is a challenging yet essential aspect of maintaining mental health in the professional sphere. By recognizing the prevalence of workplace trauma, seeking support through therapy, and developing essential coping skills, professionals can navigate these challenges more effectively. Remember, prioritizing mental health is not a sign of weakness but a step towards resilience and well-being in the workplace. In conclusion, let's strive to create work environments that prioritize mental health and support individuals in overcoming workplace trauma. Together, we can foster a culture of understanding, resilience, and well-being in the professional world. By adopting a professional tone and providing valuable insights on workplace trauma and mental health support, this blog post aims to empower professionals with the knowledge and skills needed to navigate workplace challenges effectively. With the guidance of experts like Kara Tolman and a commitment to self-care and communication, professionals can work towards creating a healthier, more supportive work environment.

Welcome, casual readers, to a journey through the empowering realm of mental wellness and military mental health advocacy. Today, we delve into the profound story of Kara Tolman – a visionary, a mental health guru, and the driving force behind Making Waves Counseling and Wellness. Join us as we uncover the layers of Kara's impactful journey filled with resilience, expertise, and a relentless commitment to making waves in the world of mental health. The Genesis of a Mental Health Maven At the heart of Making Waves Counseling and Wellness stands Kara Tolman, an embodiment of passion and expertise in mental health. With a profound background in counseling and therapy, Kara's journey began with a simple yet powerful vision – to create ripples of positive change in the lives of individuals struggling with mental health challenges. Her dedication towards destigmatizing mental health concerns and fostering a safe space for healing has been the cornerstone of her success. A Beacon for Veterans and Military Mental Health Kara Tolman's influence extends beyond the ordinary boundaries of mental health advocacy. As a veteran and military mental health expert, she has been a guiding light for those who have served our country. Through Making Waves Counseling and Wellness, Kara has channeled her expertise into creating a private practice that caters to the challenges faced by veterans transitioning and the struggles of being a military spouse. Her profound understanding of the unique challenges veterans encounter has positioned her as a beacon of hope and healing in the military community. Kara Tolman has extensive experience in helping our nation's military. Her journey started as early as childhood due to her father being Active Duty and stationed aboard Marine Corps Air Station Cherry Point. Her first handed experience gives her robust knowledge and empathy for military children and their families. Kara felt compelled to help her community through the lens of mental health. During her undergraduate and graduate degrees, Kara spent numerous hours researching military related mental health topics and exploring options on how to make care, not only more accessible but less stigmatized in a community where suicide, divorce, and substance use was/are increasingly high. Kara has had the opportunity to serve her military community as a Financial Caseworker with the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society, volunteer at a Naval Hospital through the American Red Cross, become a Non-Profit Program Coordinator for transitioning Special Operation Marines, brief incoming Marines and Sailors when transitioning to a new duty station, attend and support Gold Star Families, advocate for military needs and so much more. Let's continue to make waves together, one step at a time. In this captivating journey, we discovered the inspiring narrative of Kara Tolman – a mental health guru, business owner, and advocate for veteran and military mental health. Through her unwavering commitment and innovative approach, she continues to create waves of positive change in the world of mental health. To book an appointment with Kara Tolman, please reach out to the following: Making Waves Counseling and Wellness P: 910.541.8928 karatolman@makingwavescounselingwellness.com Making Waves Counseling and Wellness currently accepts VA Community Care and TRICARE (Prime and Select). Kara has experience working with military couples, families, spouses and veterans.

In a world where our furry friends hold such a significant place in our hearts, the loss of a beloved pet can be an incredibly challenging experience. The emotional journey of coping with pet loss often intertwines with the complexities of grief and mental health. Today, we delve into these intertwined aspects, seeking to understand and navigate the waves of emotions that accompany such a loss. The Emotional Rollercoaster of Pet Loss Losing a pet is not just losing a companion – it's losing a part of your family, a source of unconditional love and joy. The grief that follows can be intense, sometimes catching us off guard with its depth. The profound bond we share with our pets amplifies the impact of their absence, leading to feelings of profound sadness, emptiness, and even guilt. It's essential to recognize that these emotions are valid and part of the healing process. Understanding Grief: A Personal Journey Grief is a unique journey for each individual, influenced by countless factors such as the strength of the bond, circumstances of the loss, and existing support systems. Acknowledging the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – can provide a framework for processing emotions. It's crucial to allow yourself the space and time to grieve, seeking solace in cherished memories and the support of understanding friends and family. The Impact on Mental Health The loss of a pet can have a profound impact on mental health, stirring up feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. It's essential to prioritize self-care during this challenging time, engaging in activities that bring comfort and practicing mindfulness to navigate the waves of grief. Seeking professional help is also a valuable resource, providing guidance and support as you work through your emotions. Making Waves of Change: Healing Strategies In the midst of grief, finding healthy coping mechanisms becomes crucial. Engaging in activities that honor your pet's memory, such as creating a photo album or planting a tree in their honor, can provide a sense of closure and healing. Expressing your emotions through writing or seeking support from online pet loss communities can also offer solace in shared experiences. Embracing Hope and Resilience As you navigate the complexities of pet loss, remember that healing is a gradual process. Allow yourself the grace to mourn, reminisce, and ultimately find solace in the memories you shared with your beloved companion. Embracing hope and resilience, you can channel your grief into acts of kindness and compassion, spreading the same love your pet once brought into your life. Finding Support in Shared Stories In times of sorrow, finding solace in shared stories can be a comforting balm for grieving hearts. If you're seeking additional support or simply a space to share your journey, platforms like pet loss support groups offer a community of understanding individuals who have traversed similar paths of pet loss. Together, we can find strength in unity and comfort in shared experiences. Local to Wilmington NC is Eastern Carolina Veterinary Referral Emergency whom employs a LCSWA to host pet loss grief support groups monthly. To learn more about this group, please click the link below. https://www.ecvetreferral.com/services Pet Loss Group Registration Link https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfxEPvzoxt93NZnEkW78WSMlhyOxSUGfy1-TxmDXUG-T4T14Q/viewform?pli=1

Do you ever find yourself dreading the end of the weekend, feeling anxious about the week ahead, and experiencing what is commonly known as the "Sunday Scaries"? You're not alone. Many people struggle with feelings of anxiety and apprehension as the weekend comes to a close, but fear not – there are ways to conquer those Sunday blues and set yourself up for a positive and productive week ahead. Understanding the Sunday Scaries The Sunday Scaries, also known as the Sunday blues, are feelings of stress and anxiety that creep in as the weekend winds down and the looming responsibilities of the upcoming week start to weigh on your mind. It's normal to feel a bit apprehensive about the week ahead, but when these feelings become overwhelming and affect your ability to relax and recharge, it's essential to address them. Combatting Anxiety with Therapy One effective way to cope with the Sunday Scaries and manage anxiety is through therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been proven to be an effective treatment for anxiety and stress-related issues. Working with a CBT therapist can help you identify negative thought patterns, develop coping strategies, and build resilience to better manage the feelings of dread and anxiety that often accompany the end of the weekend. Meet Kara Tolman, MSW, LCSW: Your Anxiety and Trauma Therapist Meet Kara Tolman, a licensed therapist specializing in anxiety, trauma and helping client's live their most authentic lives. With years of experience helping clients overcome their fears and anxieties, Kara provides a safe and supportive therapeutic space for individuals to explore their emotions, learn coping mechanisms, and develop a positive mindset that will last them years to come. Through personalized therapy sessions, Kara empowers her clients to conquer their Sunday Scaries and embrace a more mindful and fulfilling life. Do you often find yourself laying horizontal on the couch with impending doom before Monday hits? You, my friend, are experiencing the Sunday Scaries. Strategies for Overcoming the Sunday Scaries Engage in mindfulness activities such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga to center yourself and alleviate stress and anxiety. Write down your tasks and goals for the week ahead to feel more organized and prepared for what's to come, easing your mind about the upcoming challenges. Take time for yourself on Sundays to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it's reading a book, taking a bath, or going for a walk in nature. Reach out to friends or family members for support and connection, sharing your feelings and seeking reassurance that you're not alone in your struggles. By implementing these strategies and seeking support from a therapist like Kara Tolman, you can start to overcome the Sunday Scaries and transform your weekends into a time of rest, rejuvenation, and positive anticipation for the week ahead.

Learn some tips and tricks on gardening plus how it can improve your mental health with Making Waves owner, Kara Tolman! My name is Kara and yup, that is me! It is officially summer time and you may be feeling the urge to walk around your local nursery or spend time tending to plants. I, for one, am all about this! Being in nature can be grounding and so serene, so why not garden so you can connect with nature better. Gardening does not have to be daunting or scary but super easy. Grab a raised garden bed, some soil and lets plant! Tip #1 - Native Plants Learning what to plant is usually the hardest task and I always have been told to look around your town to what is growing natively. This will give you the best idea on what plants can handle the type of soil where you live. I always recommend a local nursery who knows what is native to your area or your local arboretum for questions. While walking your local nurseries or local trails looking for plants to possibly use in your own yard, you can take this time to connect with nature through mindfulness. Take a few minutes or moments to slow down and ask yourself the following questions: What am I smelling? What am I seeing? Do I feel any sensations in my body? Any thoughts coming to mind? Recommendation: Stop and smell the roses Tip #2 - Intentional Gardening Increases Happiness When establishing a beautiful serene garden, take your time in deciding what fills your soul. Recently, I was planting in my yard and someone asked me, "What plant did you go with and how will it give back to you?". My answer was simple, "The plant I chose will naturally attract pollinators and it makes me happy." When establishing your garden, it should increase your overall happiness. We know through research that we are in control of 40% of our happiness just through intentional activities alone. That really is a lot! Intentional gardening such as: Spending time researching plants, flowers, or vegetables Spending time in your yard or in nature daily Disconnecting from your phone to tend to your garden (Pulling weeds, fertilizing, watering, etc.) Diagnosing disease and trouble shooting issues Going to your favorite nursery or farm to buy Propagating your own plants Increased vitamin D levels that you naturally receive from the sun Improved sleeping patterns since the sun helps with regulating our circadian rhythm "I like gardening – it's a place where I find myself when I need to lose myself"– Alice Sebold Tip #3 - Plants attract wildlife to your yard Plants are a great way to attract wildlife to your yard which also adds to some mindfulness activities. Imagine, you are sitting on your porch, surrounded by plants and you hear a cardinal in the distance eating dinner while perched on your bird feeder. What sort of sounds do you notice? Add an inexpensive water feature to allow fresh flowing water and help attract nature as well! Making Waves Counseling and Wellness also attracts it's own wildlife to our balcony! By adding some spring flowers and a dish of water with low sides, we have attracted Squirrels as well as Cardinals. We are very grateful for the sights and sounds they provide us during client sessions or during breaks. Being intentional while gardening is what can make it so peaceful for our souls, minds and bodies. With every tree or flower we plant, we give back to the earth. "In his garden, every man may be his own artist without apology or explanation"- Louise Beebe Wilder

There are many things I have learned on this journey of becoming a therapist and a small business owner. Acceptance Celebrate the small wins Embrace my humanness Mistakes will happen It is impossible to know everything Throughout my time as a therapist, I have had the privilege of being surrounded by some really awesome individuals within our community. It is really neat to see how many people around you want to see you succeed, if you surround yourself with the right people. I contemplated opening a small business for 2 years before actually doing it. I wanted to ensure I was ready for the leap, but let's be real, is anyone ever really ready? Everyday I learn something new about running a small business, being a female entrepreneur and a licensed therapist. On a daily basis, I choose to stare fear directly in it's face. I have learned that fear often discourages individuals from pursuing the things they feel they may enjoy or want to do. I choose to live every day intentionally even when fear creeps in. I have learned to accept the things I cannot change and learn to roll with the waves of life. "I will not be labeled as average"- Kara Tolman Listen to my podcast here!

Struggling with self worth and self love is something I often see in session with women. What would it be like to let go of fear and self doubt to live a life that feels 100% authentic to you? What is self love and why it is important? Self love is the appreciation of one's own worth and granting kindness towards ourselves. Self love is often fueled by grace and self compassion, which I find most people struggle with, including men. Self love means knowing our limits, values, boundaries and being intentional with ourselves. Giving our selves permission to explore these things helps us cultivate self love in a way that feels genuine and authentic to us. Self love is important because we live in a world where we often feel shame around our belief systems and the boxes society tries to fit us in. Increased self love can lead to better boundaries, a kinder internal monologue and healthier relationships. What is self worth? Most women I speak to wrap their self worth into being a mother, partner, career or even the successes she has in life. When they feel they are not doing their "best" in those areas, they often criticize themselves or doubt their own abilities. This can lead to more anxiety and depressive symptoms including a very negative internal monologue. If you recently have been online, you may have seen the graduation speech presented by Kansas City Chief's Kicker, Harrison Butker at a local college. He states in the speech that women's lives begin when they get married or have children, which may be true for some but not all. We as a society have created boxes for women to have their self worth determined by what they are able to do instead of how they actually feel about themselves. Per Google, Self Worth is knowing that we are valuable human and we are worthy of belonging. Self worth is not indicated by what we can do for others or our careers. Self love and self worth does not need to be dependent on how we externally measure success (i.e.: career goals, low body weights, etc). How do I build my self love and worth? Let's start by being more connected to ourselves and be intentional. Values. Those who stand for nothing fall for anything. Starting with your values are helpful in understanding yourself on a much deeper level. Sit down with a piece of paper and ask yourself a few questions. What does society value? What do my parents value? What values were I taught as a kid? What does my partner or closest friend value? What do I value? Be intentional with your self and make time for your own self care. Meditation. Practice self compassion and grace. Write a love letter to yourself. Journal. Practice gratitude. List your strengths. Sticky note affirmations on your bathroom mirror. Talk positively to your younger self. Work towards healing your inner child. Name and quiet your inner critic voice. Step outside of your comfort zone. Practice self validation and positive self talk. These are all great steps to practicing great self love and worth towards yourself. Self love and worth is a journey, not a destination. Be gracious on yourself and your body when moving forward.

Therapy Book Recommendations from your therapist, Kara Tolman! Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal From Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents By Lindsay C. Gibson This is a great read if you feel that you grew up with a parent who was emotionally immature or unavailable. Living or growing up with a parent who display these behaviors can leave you feeling abandoned, alone, angry and feeling betrayed. As a therapist, I love this book because of how the author decided to write it. The book does not shame your parents for how they treated you but more so sheds light on the behaviors and what may have happened to them in their childhoods for them to be so emotionally unavailable. 10/10, highly recommend this book! Networking is a Contact Sport: How Staying Connected and Serving Others Will Help You Grow Your Business, Expand Your Influence, or Even Land Your Next Job By Joe Sweeney This book I read back in 2019 and boy, was it helpful! It teaches you all about the power of networking and the power of putting yourself out there. In the book, the author describes an effective networking plan that will give you a leg up in your current market, find a job, or retain the job you have. The How of Happiness: A New Approach To Getting The Life You Want By Sonja Lyubomirsky As an individual, I love this book! I had the privilege of taking a class at UNCW where I learned to slow down, be intentional, live by my values and be happier. Sounds silly but truly, it was amazing. This book is a great read by the pool or at night when you are relaxing in bed. I recommend it to most of my clients as I do a lot of intention based skills and values work in sessions. This book has a good mixture of assessments, information and statistics to help with creating a more purposeful and fulfilling life. 10/10, highly recommend! And for the ladies..... Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dream Girl -- A Woman's Guide To Holding Her Own In A Relationship By Sherry Argov Do not let this title scare you... Are you a chronic people pleaser? Do you often put your man's needs before yours? Do you find yourself lowering your standards and feel like a doormat? This is the book for you! I often recommend this book to client's I see who may be going through a break up or divorce. It is incredibly empowering and written so well. This is a great book to read at night before bed and to pull out when you need a good pep talk.