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Help! I feel like I am too attached, what is my attachment style?

How attached are you and where do you land on the spectrum of attachment styles?

As a therapist, I spend a lot of time with people who are usually navigating some sort of interpersonal problem. What do I mean when I say interpersonal?

Interpersonal is just a fancy therapeutic word for "relationships or communication between 2 people". Interpersonal issues revolves around creating and maintaining health relationships. One of my favorite things to talk about in session are my client's specific attachment style's and how it affects their ability to connect with others in a meaningful and healthy way.

Attachment theory states that children need at least 1 primary caregiver to form "normal" social and emotional development.

I put normal in quotes because normal is truly defined by you as an individual and not what google says.

What we know is that attachment styles greatly affect our romantic relationships throughout our lives and do not be fooled, we all have one, even me! Attachment styles are broken into 2 categories; Secure and Insecure. Below you can see a chart indicating the different characteristics of each style.

Secure Attachment

Anxious Attachment

Avoidant Attachment

Anxious/Avoidant Attachment


Fear of abandonment

Emotionally detached

Prone to high conflict relationships


Seeks validation

Uncomfortable with emotions

Fears rejection

Attuned to emotions

Sensitive to criticism

Has commitment issues

Hesitance with opening up to others

Clear and healthy boundaries

Afraid of being alone

Hard time trusting

Mixture of Anxious attachment and Avoidant

Strong self worth

Can struggle with jealousy

Overly rigid

Favors distance emotionally

If you are interested in learning more about your attachment style, I highly recommend the book: The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT.


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