“Studies show that 50% of individual differences in happiness are determined by genes, 10% by life circumstances, and 40% by our intentional activities. Most of us aren’t flourishing. Nationally representative samples of U.S. adults indicate that slightly more than half of us (54%) are “moderately mentally healthy yet not flourishing – that is, we lack great enthusiasm for life and are not actively and productively engaged with the world” (Lyubomirsky, Sonja). Happiness can look and feel differently to everybody. Happiness can translate into contentment, satisfaction, pleasure, and joy but how often do you experience these emotions? Often individuals can feel stuck or unhappy in their daily lives due to relationship conflict, emotional distress, work issues, and so much more. Interested in seeing what types of activities will bring you the most bang for your buck? Take the Person-Activity Diagnostic Here are some quick tips for increasing happiness in your everyday life: · Finding a community and sense of belonging · Practicing gratitude and self-compassion · Increasing positive self-talk and thinking by not ruminating · Mindfulness and staying in the present moment · Setting goals that align with your personal values · Slow and active movement to stimulate your brain (Yoga, walking, meditation, etc) · Get plenty of sleep · Acknowledge the unhappy moments & practice letting the emotions move through you If you are interested in learning more about The How to Happiness, check out Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book by clicking on the book

As I sit here and write a blog on motivation, I think about how it is has been difficult for myself to also find the motivation to write. So, I decided, why not write a blog about it? Motivation is one of the driving forces behind human behavior. It increases our desire to be socially connected and when absent can lead to mental illness such as depression. Motivation encompasses the desire to continue striving toward meaning, purpose, and a life worth living. Motivation is often sourced extrinsically and intrinsically. Extrinsic Motivation is inspired by outside forces, for example: · Completing coursework for grades · Completing work for money · Helping others for praise · Volunteering because it looks good on a resume Intrinsic Motivation is inspired by internal forces, for example: · Completing coursework because it makes you feel accomplished · Going to work because you feel fulfilled · Learning a new language to experience new things · Participating in helping others because it makes you feel good Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Building momentum to want to be motivated towards your goals can be difficult especially if you are battling depression. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs shows that we are always working towards self-actualization. Self-actualization, in psychology, is the concept regarding the process by which an individual reaches his or her full potential. Maslow stated that for one to reach self-actualization we must have our basic and social needs met. Those levels, ultimately in Maslow’s eyes, heavily influence our sense of belonging and purpose. Maslow stated that people are motivated to achieve certain needs and that some needs take precedence over others. Our most basic need is for physical survival, and this will be the first thing that motivates our behavior. Once that level is fulfilled the next level up is what motivates us, and so on. 1. Physiological needs is the first level in Maslow’s pyramid which includes the biological requirements for human survival (food, shelter, sleep, warmth, etc). 2. Safety needs is the second level in Maslow’s pyramid which include emotional security and financial security. 3. Love and belongingness needs is the third level of Maslow’s pyramid which include emotional connection, being apart of a group, and belonging. 4. Esteem needs is the fourth level of Maslow’s pyramid which include self-worth, accomplishment, and respect. 5. Self- actualization is the fifth level of Maslow’s pyramid which includes realization of potential, self-fulfillment, and seeking personal growth. Tips on kickstarting motivation once your needs from Maslow's Hierarchy have been met: · Breaking tasks down into small ones. · Set a small achievable goal that aligns with your beliefs and values system. · Increase positive self-talk. · Try behavioral activation in therapy. · Give yourself grace and compassion. · Work on fulfilling your basic needs. · Doing things that make you happy.

We all aspire to be the best versions of ourselves but what happens when our inner critic takes over? When we become self-critical, we begin to overanalyze our own behaviors in that a way that devalues our overall sense of self. In therapy, we often spend time creating awareness around problematic thoughts or behaviors to insinuate change. We can all be critical of ourselves from time to time which often influences our negative self-talk. We have all been there, right? Our inner dialogue can be calm, friendly, and encouraging but sometimes negative thoughts about ourselves sneak in. Psychology says we, as humans, have many sub personalities. These sub personalities are parts of us that form in a response to various experiences we have had in our lives. Think of sub personalities as parts of ourselves that make us up. During times of need, each sub personality comes out to protect or guide us during tough times. Each sub personality has its own set of values, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors but which ever one we resonate with the most is the one that shines through us every day. You may be asking yourself, what do sub personalities and our inner critic have in common? Your inner critic makes up one of those personalities. Individuals who are overly self-critical may: 1. Blame themselves for everything even if it is not their fault 2. Often compare themselves to others 3. Have a difficult time accepting compliments 4. Often participate in black and white thinking 5. Avoid taking risks Taming the inner critic There are many ways to tame the inner critic. Here are a few techniques below: 1. Create awareness and catch your inner critic in the act. Notice what you are saying to yourself and when you start to become self-critical. 2. Thoughts are not always reality. Are you able to find tangible evidence to support this negative thought? Are you observing this thought and not considering all the facts? 3. Name the inner critic. When you name your inner critic, it helps the critic lose power which helps us acknowledge that we are not the problem. 4. Practice acceptance of self. Learn to embrace who you are and support the inner dialogues that empowers your sense of self and purpose.

Its Christmas Eve and you are spending that hour you normally get to yourself standing in line at Target for that one toy you really want to buy your nephew. The line is wrapped around the main aisle and you start to question, "is this worth it?". While standing in line, you are thinking about how this is the first time you have stood around this many people since COVID-19 started or how the amount of people around you feels like too much. Suddenly, it feels like the room in closing in and you have the urge to drop your 1 item while bolting out the door for fresh air. Sounds stressful right? The holidays can be incredibly stressful for many different reasons. According to a survey by the American Psychological Association, 38 percent of people said their stress level increases during the holidays. Why does holiday stress seem to wreak more havoc on our bodies and mind then everyday stress? We often know that everyday stress symptoms can be managed but they often do not completely disappear. Everyday stressors can include working long hours, caring for aging parents, paying the bills and so much more without adding the extra stress from the holidays. Navigating mental and physical health during the holidays can seem like an overwhelming task and can have long lasting effects on our mind and body. During times of high stress, such as the holidays, our brain signals to our endocrine system to produce cortisol hormones to help increase our energy throughout the day. In addition, our Central Nervous System, when signaled by the brain during high stress, works with your adrenal glands to release a hormone called adrenalin. When adrenalin and cortisol hormones are released in your body during stressful times, we often see fight or flight symptoms such as increase in heart rate, increase of glucose levels in the blood stream, and an increase in respiration. Research states we can become ‘stuck’ in fight or flight states which over time can negatively impact our mental health. Tuning into our body’s natural somatic response during the holiday season can help you manage stress levels in your body. When navigating stress, I often instruct my clients to ask themselves these 3 things: 1. What sensation in my body tells me that I am feeling this way? 2. What words can I use to describe these bodily sensations? 3. What emotion am I feeling? Then follow through with a physical comfort technique which aims to regulate your body responses and avert overriding your nervous system. 1. Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down. 2. Feel your feet on the floor and notice how they are being supported. 3. Feel your hands resting on your lap or on your belly. 4. Feel how your hands and arms are being supported. 5. Feel your back being supported by the chair. 6. Adjust your posture until you find yourself feeling completely comfortable. 7. Use your senses to connect with sensations around the room (colors, shapes, sounds, smell) 8. Use your internal senses to connect with a pleasant sensation with you. 9. Draw your attention to each of those sensations for a few moments at a time. 10. Notice the physical and emotional comfort they generate.

It is that time of year again where we move our clocks backwards and gain an extra hour of sleep but do we actually gain anything? Twice a year we move our clocks, but we feel that we lose more than actually gain. The original idea behind Day Light Savings time was to maximize sunlight in the Northern Hemisphere. As days start to get longer in the summer months, we shift our clocks forward to increase our available time. I know way more people that get excited for springing forward than moving back. Well, research shows that seasonal changes and sunlight has an affect on our mood/sleep patterns. Circadian Rhythm & DST Circadian rhythms are 24 hours cycles that make up the body’s internal clock and the most important circadian rhythm is our sleep-wake cycle. The main function of our Circadian rhythm is to make sure our body processes are optimized during various parts of our day. When your sleep-wake cycle is aligned with your circadian rhythm it allows for your mind/body to participate in restorative sleep but when it is thrown off (such as DST) it can wreak havoc on your regular sleeping patterns. Our Circadian rhythm utilizes light and darkness as signals to predict what to do in the future: go to sleep or go be active. It is imperative that you seek light during the day, after day light savings to help your body’s, natural rhythm get back on track. Ways you can increase your body’s natural internal clock: · Seek out sun: Seeking out natural sunlight during the day helps your body’s natural cue for going to bed. The sun also has powerful effects on our overall mood. If you work in an office during the day and are not able to leave, you can look into an artificial light resource or light therapy. Light therapy is a therapeutic intervention tool used for individuals who are diagnosed with Depression and Sleep Disorders. Artificial light differs from the light within an office setting or home as it mimics natural light that you would receive outside. If you are interested in artificial lights to have at your desk at work, you can follow the link below. · Avoid Caffeine: Stimulants like coffee and energy drinks are often our go to when we are feeling sleepy. Avoiding caffeine in the late afternoons can be helpful with increasing the natural sensations of wanting to fall asleep at night. · Get Daily Exercise: Participating in daily exercise can also help reset your bodies natural sleep cues as well as boost your mood. · Put Down Your Phone: Yes, you heard me. You will want to decrease the amount of blue light that your body encounters after the sun sets. Research says dimming the lights and resisting blue light can be helpful in assisting with better sleep. · Environment: Make sure your environment at night feels safe and comfortable for sleep. Try adjusting the temperature to 60-68 degrees to fall into REM sleep faster. · Routine: Try adding a pre sleep routine and see if it helps your body relax before bed. This may look like taking a bath or shower, putting on soft pajamas and only getting into bed when you feel ready to fall asleep. · Self-Compassion: Lastly, have compassion for yourself during these times. You may become frustrated but know that your body will adjust even if it takes time. The link above is for the light described in "seek out sun" bullet!

To me, finding my tribe means finding a place where I feel as if I belong or am accepted. In life, we may find ourselves seeking community or human connection. We often do this by finding individuals who share the same common beliefs or values as us. We many even do this based off gender identity, sexual identity, career path, values, political affiliations, and more. Whatever we use to find our tribe is special to us, it may be all the things or just one but what happens when you are not able to find that tribe or feel like you do not belong to any? Social connections add meaning to our lives and decrease our risk for depression, anxiety, substance disorder, loneliness, and low self-esteem. Belonging is the feeling of security and support when there is a sense of acceptance, inclusion, and identity for a member of a certain group. It is when an individual can bring their authentic self to work. When employees feel like they do not belong at work, their performance and their personal lives suffer. Burnout in your professional life can be higher and can influence loneliness. Often, we find ourselves changing ourselves and conforming to the world around us to be accepted or to feel “free”. Being ourselves often means having the courage to stand alone, all alone. One thing you will learn from me is that I am a fan of Brene Brown. Brene Brown is a Texan Social Worker and avid researcher. If you have not watched any of her Ted talks, you should…. In her Netflix documentary, The Call to Courage, she often talks about the Man in the Arena Quote by Theodore Roosevelt. If you have not heard the quote, I will put it below. After watching this hour long special on #Netflix, I did a lot of self-reflection and thought about all the things she said that resonated with me. You can see them below: We often use other individuals’ vulnerabilities against them, especially the people we love the most. How can we accept love if we are not willing to be seen or heard? Vulnerability is the key to connection and our path back to others. Vulnerability is not about winning or losing. It is about having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome. If you are #vulnerable, you can get 3 things- love, joy and belonging. To love is to be vulnerable. To belong is to be our most honest and vulnerable self. Most people are scared to feel joy because they think something may come along and take it from them. In the middle of great things, we dress rehearse tragedy to protect ourselves. Now ask yourself, are you willing to be seen even if it means standing in the arena alone?

What happens to your body when someone asks you a question starting with “why?”. Do you tense up or automatically go into defense? In sessions, I try my best to steer clear of using the word “why” when asking questions unless it is to clarify a previous statement from my client or to gain clarity. According to Inc. Magazine, a former FBI Hostage Investigator reported that asking people “why” can make them go into defense and often feels more like an accusation than a true question. By starting conversations with ‘why’, it can send off signals of judgement, and indicate a lack of trust in our client’s own judgement. To be honest, the “why” is not so much important as the “what”. For all my parents out there, when was the last time you asked your kids this: · “Why are you doing that?” · “Why did you leave your clothes on the floor?” · “Why haven’t you done your homework?” Instead ask: · “I see that you have not done what I have asked. Is everything okay?” · “I see you have homework tonight. What can I do to make sure it gets done in a timely manner?” When you asked these questions, what type of answer did you get back? Were you met with defense behaviors and big emotions? When talking with others, especially in therapy, it is important to be clear in our communication with our clients to ensure we are coming from an unbiased stance. As a therapist, it is more important to understand what is driving my client’s problematic behavior then asking them “why” they are doing it. In most case scenarios, we do not understand why we do thing’s, and our clients are coming to us to gain tools so they can gain awareness or insight. Replacing “Why” with “What” When communicating with others, it is important to be intentional, clear, and concise. In session, I often use Socratic Questioning. Socratic questioning differs from standard questioning in that it is “systematic, disciplined, deep and usually focuses on fundamental concepts, principles, theories, issues or problems.” In other words, Socratic questioning was developed to get to the very core of a problem effectively and efficiently. In sessions, I often practice replacing “why” with “what”. For example, if a client is struggling with why they participate in a problem behavior, I will ask, “what about this behavior is problematic for you?” or “what do you believe drives this behavior?”. I have noticed throughout my practice that utilizing “what” helps individuals get to the core of the problem without unknowingly going into defense mode. This is also a strategy I use with my clients who participate in negative self-talk. When talking to yourself, try asking yourself “what drives this behavior?” instead of “why am I like this?”. You may be surprised at the response or insight you have after just simply changing one word! To see more mental health content, check out my social media pages below!

When you hear the word trauma, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Is it veterans or war? Is it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Trauma is the response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope, causes feelings of helplessness, diminishes their sense of self and their ability to feel a full range of emotions and experiences. Trauma has an incredibly unique way of dysregulating your bodies central nervous system. Your Central Nervous System (CNS) is comprised of the brain, cerebellum, and spinal cord. The Nervous System has 3 broad functions: sensory input, information processing, and motor output. When you have been affected by trauma, your body’s natural protective reaction is to fight, flight or freeze, which in return is controlled by your Central Nervous System. Three Nervous System Functions Fight & Flight (aka hyper-arousal): Our bodies natural fight or flight response refers to a psychological reaction that occurs when we are in the presence of something terrifying. The bodies natural reaction to threat is activated through your bodies parasympathetic nervous system which releases hormones from your adrenal glands called catecholamines (aka adrenaline). This response will create a chain of reactions within your body which will increase your heart rate, blood pressure and breathing rate. Did you know: After the initial threat is gone, it takes your body 20-60 minutes to return back to it pre-arousal state. Fight or flight state may look like this: A woman who was previously abused by her spouse, years later is walking through a parking lot to the grocery store when she hears a man and woman walking out of the store having a disagreement. Due to the woman’s past trauma history, she may begin to have physiological symptoms of stress which trigger her body’s natural reaction to threat. She has trouble breathing, an urge to run away and increased heart rate. For the next hour, she has a difficult time controlling her emotions, rationalizing, and even becomes frustrated easily. Freeze (aka our dorsal vagal state/hypo-arousal): Our bodies have a natural shut down state that has been tracked back to our primitive years. This natural shut down state is caused by such an intense threat that our bodies naturally shut down to preserve fuel and brain power to keep you alive. In this state, your body has surpassed the fight or flight stage and feels the only way to stay safe is to completely shut down. In some cases, animals are also affected by this stage called tonic immobility. Did you know: Tonic Immobility describes a state of involuntary paralysis in which individuals cannot move or in many cases speak. This reaction is called evolutionary adaptive defense in animals who are being attacked by predators and no other forms of defense are possible. Animals who utilize tonic immobility for safety include: Possums Rest & Digest (aka our ventral vagal state/baseline): Just like the other 2 states, our bodies have a state where we feel safe and what I like to call our “baseline”. This baseline is where you feel the most at peace, no threat, just happiness or joy. This state allows us to connect with others and be compassionate or to have empathy. The Window of Tolerance When an individual has experienced trauma, they experience bodily sensations that throw them outside their window of tolerance. The window of tolerance was developed by Dan Siegl, a clinical professor of psychiatry, who said the window of tolerance describes the best state of 'arousal' or stimulation in which we are able to function and thrive in everyday life. When your body and mind are functioning within the window of tolerance, you may find yourself thinking rationally or making decisions without feeling overwhelmed. As I describe to my clients, think of the window of tolerance as two parallel lines. Between these two parallel lines is when you feel the most at your so called “baseline” or homeostasis (aka rest & digest). You are functioning well, you are connecting with others, and you are feeling joy. When you are thrown outside of those parallel lines, your body is no longer functioning at a state that is calm or rational. If you go above the top line, your body is now functioning in a hyperarousal state (Aka fight or flight). If you go below the bottom line, your body is now functioning in a hypo-arousal state (Aka freeze). When stress or trauma shrink your window of tolerance or your rest & digest state, it does not take much to throw you off balance. You may feel yourself experiencing fight, flight or freeze more often than your natural baseline. No one wants to feel on edge all of the time and live in a state where their stress levels are at an all time high but there are ways to retrain your central nervous system to remain in that window of tolerance. Come back to learn more about how somatic experiencing can help your body get back to its natural baseline!

When we are going through our own journey, we are often finding our true authentic self. This journey may include identifying values, natural talents, passions and much more. Self-discovery may sound intimidating, but it is just a process of examining one’s life, figuring out what is missing and taking steps towards finding fulfillment. Self-discovery is important to not only our physical health but our mental health. When we take time to participate in self-discovery and self-acceptance, we provide ourselves permission to accept ourselves for who we truly are without the agenda to change or deny ourselves of who we are. Participating in activities that allow you to discover your true authentic self can build your confidence by putting you back in the driver seat of your own life. When participating in a self-discovery journey, start by visualizing your ideal self. You may explore values and identify any core beliefs you may have about yourself. Once you visualize your ideal self, you may start exploring your passions. Passions help make life more colorful and provide us with a much deeper meaning than just existing. Give yourself time and grace when participating in self-discovery as there is not a one size fits all approach or timeline. A major part of the self-discovery process is self-acceptance and self-actualization. Often, we find ourselves conforming to society to seek approval from peers, but it often does not feel authentic to our true selves. Being apart of a culture that validates strength and beauty from the outside in makes self-acceptance much more difficult. Today, we often see people through the lens of what they show us on the outside but never fully accept and embrace someone unconditionally for who they are on the inside. For some people, coming to terms with who they are and forming a positive sense of identity can be challenging. Many individuals who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, and with other non-heterosexual orientations (LGBTQIA+) experience stigma, prejudice, and/or discrimination because of their sexuality, making self-acceptance and self-discovery that much more difficult. Lower self-acceptance could be considered a risk factor for adverse mental health concerns. A positive sense of self is strengthened by validation, education, support, and acceptance by a community of others who have shared experiences. Foster a better you with self-acceptance! Acceptance of things as they come, without evaluating or attempting to change them, is a skill developed through mindfulness exercises in and out of session. We do not aim to directly change or stop unwanted thoughts or feelings, but instead encourage developing a new compassionate relationship with those experiences. One way of teaching mindfulness skills that honor your unwanted thoughts and feelings is through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). According to Good therapy.com, “ACT is based on relational frame theory (RFT), a school of research focusing on human language and cognition. RFT suggests the rational skills used by the human mind to solve problems may be ineffective in helping people overcome psychological pain. Based on this suggestion, ACT therapy was developed with the goal of teaching people that although psychological pain is normal, we can learn ways to live healthier, fuller lives by shifting the way we think about pain”. This shift can free people from difficulties attempting to control their experiences and help them become more open to actions consistent with their values, values clarification and the definition of values-based goals also being key components of ACT. Mindfulness is a key influencer to ACT and allows the individual to connect with the observing self, which is aware but separate from the thinking self. The main goal of ACT typically comes about through several core processes. 1. Developing creative hopelessness involves exploring past attempts at solving or getting away from those difficulties bringing an individual to therapy. Through recognition of the workability or lack of workability of these attempts, ACT creates opportunity for individuals to act in a manner more consistent with what is most important to them. 2. Accepting one’s emotional experience can be described as the process of learning to experience the range of human emotions with a kind, open, and accepting perspective. 3. Choosing valued life directions is the process of defining what is most important in life and clarifying how one wishes to live life. 4. Taking action may refer to one’s commitment to make changes and engage in behaviors moving one in the direction of what is most value. Other helpful strategies for promoting self-acceptance: · Create a support system. · Consider the people around you. · Realize that acceptance is not resignation. · Be kind to yourself. Compassion and forgiveness. Forgive yourself. · Separate from your emotions. · Celebrate your strengths and practice mindfulness. · Practice relaxed awareness. · Let go of rating yourself. · Learn from ALL parts of yourself. · Clarify your values. “Lasting meaningful change has to be driven by self-acceptance.”- Brene Brown #LQBTQIA #Pridemonth #Brenebrown #Selfacceptance #Socialwork #values #selfdiscovery

Transitions can be difficult and opening a new chapter may seem daunting but is never impossible to do. When transitioning to a new chapter in life, we may find ourselves doubting our abilities even more than usual due to the stress of the major life change. Chapters in life can come in many ways whether its unexpected, welcomed, or unwelcomed, chosen or imposed, sudden or gradual. Individuals who experience life transitions can expect increased levels of Cortisol which can be linked to emotional and physical ailments. Below are some examples of life transitions: Marriage or a new relationship Arrival of a new baby Parenting an infant, child, or adolescent Growing up and moving away from home Adjustment to college or the workplace Empty nesting Divorce, separation, or recovery from infidelity Retirement, job loss, or career changes Financial gain or loss Serious illness or disability of self or a loved one Issues of aging Death of a loved one or animal Questioning faith or spirituality Questioning sexual or gender identity Deployment Reintegration Exiting Active-Duty Service Graduating from school Retirement Keys to handling life transitions: · Expect to have an adjustment period. You can always look back and reflect on when you may have had a change that went well. How did you handle that change and what got you through that difficult time? · Practice self-compassion and focus on the positive aspects. What brought you to this change or transition in your life? Are you making a career change that will positively impact you for the rest of your life? Will your family be able to spend more time with you due to cutting back your work hours? Look at the hopeful signs for this transition and embrace them! · Expect emotional growth and setbacks. At times, you may feel multiple emotions or feel on edge. Provide yourself with grace and time to heal or move forward. There is never a right or wrong answer for how fast or slow growth should take. · Seek support. During this time in your life, you may need support more than ever! Reach out to those around you who lift you up or bring you happiness. · Establish realistic expectations and timelines. As mentioned above, there is never a right or wrong timeline for when you come to terms with your transition. Honor your body and mind. · Creating an effective self-care plan. Engage in multiple forms of self-care such as eating wholesome/nutritional foods, getting enough rest, and engaging in physical activity. I always tell my clients that self-care should not be hard and should not feel like a burden. Participate in something that makes you feel like the best version of you! · Practice stress management techniques. You can practice deep abdominal breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation. Mindfulness can be incredibly helpful when reducing stress, Depression and Anxiety. · You may experience increased fear and anxiety. Fear is normal and natural. You may feel anxiety which influences fear. Anxiety is adaptive and is critical for survival (i.e., fight or flight). Become aware of when your anxiety no longer becomes helpful and notice when you start to participate in avoidance. You do not have to seek change in that moment but honor why you are so anxious or what your body may be responding too. Thoughts from the therapist If I am being 100% transparent and allowing you to see behind the curtain (which is the whole purpose of this blog) is that I, myself, the writer of this blog am going through a transition as well. A wise colleague and fellow therapist told me to provide myself with grace especially when I make mistakes, which are prone to happen. Yup, I said it MISTAKES. If you are anything like me, just that 1 word sparked your inner dialogue to change; which might be fueled by your anxiety or maybe even fears stemming around your major transition. How often do you provide yourself with grace and self-compassion when moving through life’s different seasons? Why is practicing self-compassion so incredibly hard? Self-compassion also includes an element of wisdom—recognition of our common humanity. This means accepting the fact that, along with everyone else on the planet, we are flawed and imperfect individuals. There is no pressure to know absolutely everything in life and honestly, the most beautiful thing about life is the ability to grow and learn through transitions: small or large. Something I found that was useful was the phrase, “treat yourself like you would a small child”. If there is anything you take away from this blog, let it be this one line. If a small child were having difficulty with change or a transition, how would you respond? Would you speak in a softer tone? Provide them with space to process? Hug them or give them comfort? Now ask yourself, what is stopping you from providing yourself with the same compassion? #change #tipsfortransitions #therapistwhoblogs #self-compassion

After reading that title, what are your initial thoughts? Are you confused? Are you pondering on your own values? Values a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life. __________________________________________________________________________________ As a clinician, my sessions lately have consisted around boundary setting and identifying where my clients want to set firm boundaries in their lives. When identifying boundaries, you must start with your values. If you do not have any values or are unable to identify any, you wont be able to set clear consistent boundaries that you are willing to follow through on. When identifying values, you may be asking yourself; "what are my core beliefs?" Well lets start with this, I explain core beliefs to my clients as sunglasses. When you put on sunglasses, you usually notice a few different things such as: Polarization Polarization in sunglasses increases your ability to see and provides you with clarity for the things around you. For example, in sport fishing they often wear polarized sunglasses to assist with reducing the glare from the sun when it hits the water, which in result, increases visibility of fish underneath the waters surface. Filtering Light/Protection from the sun When wearing sunglasses, you reduce eye strain and increase visibility. You are able to filter harmful rays from the sun and enjoy the beauty around you. You are not only able to see more clearly but you are able to protect yourself from harmful, unwanted rays that may cause more harm in the long run! Now, with all of this information you may be running to Sunglasses Hut to buy new shades for the summer months but may have lost track of why this correlates with core beliefs/values. When exploring values and your core beliefs, you often see things differently than those around you. When an individual has core beliefs, they identify and value certain things that influences how they see the rest of the world around them, hence the sunglasses analogy! Our core beliefs and values act as sunglasses. When we are comfortable with our purpose and having a deeper understanding of what we stand for, we often have clarity for hard situations and can protect ourselves from unnecessary harm. If you are wanting to explore more value and boundary work, try this simple exercise below: My hands reach for… My feet run toward… My eyes search for… My soul wonders if… If you open the trapdoor of my heart, you’ll find… Now ask yourself, what do you stand for?

way·point /ˈwāˌpoint/ Noun A waypoint is an intermediate point or place on a route or line of travel, a stopping point or point at which course is changed. How often have you found yourself changing course in life or wanting too but have been to anxious to do it? As individuals, we are constantly adapting, changing and adhering to our social environments and the community around us. We often go through multiple phases of discovery and never truly stop working on ourselves. As we adapt and change to our environments around us, our waypoints often change too. Now ask yourself, what is your current waypoint?